When You Just Can’t Go On

We have so much emphasis on being strong. And it’s something I pursue passionately. I intend to pursue it the rest of my life. I have chosen to be intentional with strength to myself and those who God placed in my life in any facet. Sometimes strength is saying “I am weak.”

Recently I came to a place where I had been fighting so many hard battles on different fronts that I was completely exhausted. (I still am, for that matter.) I felt like I had been on the battle field, dealt a mortal wound and was just laying there under the hot sun with shelling still ringing in my ears, waiting to expire. A very kind friend took the time to talk to me, and it changed my life.

He asked whether I had the energy to pursue God, and I said I didn’t. I was so exhausted that I literally didn’t have the energy or even the desire to pursue God. And I feel like that was the first time this has happened to me. Certainly the first time I verbalized it. I didn’t really know what it meant either. How to proceed from this point. Does this mean that I am no longer a follower of God? He advised me to ask God to pursue me. So I did.

And here is what happened. I just told God that I was so tired I didn’t have the strength or energy to pursue him. If this relationship is going to work, He would have to pursue me or give me strength to pursue him. And He did. Almost immediately I noticed a calming of battle forces, a soothing healing to the heart and in the weeks since then just a deep euphoric feeling of  being carried in the arms of God while I heal and prepare to face life and the enemy again-head on.

I am profoundly grateful for a God that cares so deeply. I mean, obviously He does with the story of redemption, but this was an entirely new field of care for me. On the very heels of this experience I have had the privilege of going deep into the remote Arctic circle and camping  under the midnight sun. To see some of the most stunning and imaginative pieces of God’s creation. It has restored the feeling of love and sonship to a new level.

I put this story out there because I want everyone to know that if you ever get to the point of being worn out, don’t despair. Just be honest with God, tell him where you are at. I think we under estimate what honesty with God will do. Let’s be real, He knows it already anyway. He will meet you there and carry you if you allow him to.

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“The midnight sun on the Norwegian border.”

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